Men are surprising. Perplexing.

No use giving a symposium on male-female relationships. Everything has already been said, or almost everything. And yet one delicate subject is seldom studied at length: Men’s little surprises.

This is a very sensitive subject indeed. Men sometimes spend a long time concocting their plans…unfortunately.

I am certainly not the only woman to find herself in an awkward situation. The kind of situation that can alter the course of a relationship in a fraction of a second.

We were sitting on my couch, he and I, planning to spend the evening at a friend’s house, when he flashed a mischievous smile and got up. I remained motionless, and he didn’t move a muscle either, his back turned to me.
I heard a soft click and realized he had undone his belt. Charming.
And just like that, the rube took off his pants and gave a wiggle—a girlish little sashay—showing off his butt.
Frozen in place, I found myself staring at two skinny butt cheeks separated by a dull red thong.
“Surprise!” he proclaimed with delight.
I was a deer in the headlights: dumfounded, wide-eyed, unable to pry my gaze from that tiny butt. And despite being overcome with horror, I remember realizing that my butt dwarfed his.

Through the horror, I struggled to understand what would make him think this was a good idea, and above all, to make such a production of it. Was he trying to awaken some undefined, dormant lust in me? Finally, I decided it was better to ignore the affront and accept my inability to understand the hidden message—in any case, my libido had plummeted to a new nadir.

Translated from french by Kenneth Barger  🙂